"It's in the Hole!"

"Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.

You're not being the ball Danny. " Ty Webb

"It's hard when you're talking like that."
Danny Noonan

Nine years.

It is hard to believe all us Miles have all been gathering at beach for nine years.

Guess when all this beach Madness started, Jake was 3. Anne (john's sister) was pregnant with Miles -- their first, and Jimbo was a singleton.

Now it's Poppa and Nannie, 3 children, 3 spouses and 7 7/8 grandchildren -- as little Charlie is due any day now.

Though lots has changed over the years, somethings never do...


lots of fish are caught, lots of swimming goes on, lots of food is consumed,



lots of cards are played -- think Poppa was big winner.




lots of musical theater performed.


but if the truth be told, what lies deep in the hearts of all attendees at BEACH MILES ? Yes, what is the answer to that burning question?????

"the crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the Masters champion." Carl Spackler

Which Miles will get the privilege of donning the green jacket for the year?

actually, it is not a green jacket -- it is more like a very, very poor man's Stanley Cup.

yes, every year for nine years one lucky family has gotten to take the very coveted Miles Putt-Putt Golf trophy to reside in their home for the year.

Now if you are indeed winner, your name is engraved on one of the very dented sides of trophy for Miles' progeny throughout time. Whidby Jewelers has been entrusted with the dubious honor of inscribing this green hall of fame.

Will let you in on a little secret.

The Miles are dear people -- but, once that first limeade-colored ball is struck on hole 1 -- all bet's are off -- and blood's in the water so to speak.

We have been fortunate to have had the cup twice. John won once and i won the year HK was 6 mos old. i played with her in a snugglie on my chest -- and after a fair handicap -- i was judged the winner. so on the cup somewhere in line it reads -- jamie and hannah kate miles.

which is sweet -- and a wonderful memory -- but really i never have won that blasted thing out right. now john did -- but i didn't and out of 8 previous years our household has only had the cup reside with us for 2.

i really have given up hope of ever winning -- but i line up my little putter every year. Maybe i should practice? Maybe we need a little putting green out back? i could knock a few putts in between transition from bike to run? john was right in the hunt last year -- but his sister Anne won. which was good. a rare win for the gals --

but that meant the poor cup has been up in Johnson City, TN all year. think it probably needs a break from all that dreadful burnt orange. yes, come to think of it -- i really want that cup sitting on our TV again this year.

the Mallicotes seemed very confident -- but in a totally non-braggart, non-boastful -- we've had the cup for a year and it's not going anywhere -- kind of way. Vols .... it figures.

and why shouldn't they be confident? all excellent athletes. Annie was junior Olympian cross country, jim most excellent gopher (i meant -- golfer), and Miles is all-star baseball player -- indicative of high eye/hand motor skill.

John's brother Jim has won more than once. He is also good golfer and well -- just coordinated.

So what do they say? something like...nothing ventured nothing gained. or ..

"I thought you'd be the man to beat this year." dr. beeper
"I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself." ty webb

Beating myself. I think this might be my year. Who am i kidding? But we all lined up with our irons

and kind of started playing... johnny had good form.

And -- then a very funny thing started to happen.

Somewhere about hole 6, it became apparent that i was at 42 3/4 years of age starting to have the putt-putt game of my life.

Don't know whether it was the year of training for tri-s (average at it that am)

or the glass of wine i chugged before competition -- but it was starting to be a miraculous round -- for me.

For example -- here's one of my front nine hole-in-one's. ok -- it really looks easy. but, they are all staring at me. (that's pressure)

and the ball could so easily go down either side of that very, extremely narrow plateau.

masterful shot, really.

and the luck continued.

When we started the back nine, i was right there with the gunners (Jim Malley and Jim Miles). i could tell they were getting tad nervous. but i was playing so relaxed. For there was no way i could actually win this thing outright. (or i kept trying to tell myself)

until i kept getting twos and the occasional hole-in-one. hmmmmm.

i don't know who was more amazed when i sunk this one. me or jim malley.

yes, think after this hole, all started to secretly think that Jamie could actually win this thing.

and i think that unbelievable thought occurred to Malley as well. and he wanted that trophy to stay in J.C., TN.

It was at this point we had three holes left to play when Jim Malley (scorekeeper) very dramatically read off how we all were lining up in game, and i think i was up by three shots.

up by three shots?

was it possible? the cup back on our TV in Madison. Premo golfer Heather engraving my name on chalice -- and it all being legal-- no HK handicap this time. oh dear..

ok -- i totally and completely choked. i don't know how it happened? Maybe i don't remember because i was trying so hard not to think about the significance of it all.

hmm... maybe i should devise another strategy for next year.

something even average tri-gal and even more average putt-putter gal couldn't blow.

"Ty, What did you shoot today?" judge smails

"Oh, Judge, I don't keep score." ty webb

"Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?" judge smails

"By Height." ty webb

Yes, by height. maybe with that i just might have a shot. Though most probably could find way to tank with that too.

Guess cup will have another Jim Mallicote engraviture.. and once again poor "Stanley" will have to hear endless refrains of Rocky Top this fall.

Must FED EX that poor guy some earplugs.

Hang on little silver handled-man there's always next year. yes, and even though i managed to fold masterfully during the "game of my life." "i'm alright." darn it. i just need to start construction on putting green out back tomorrow and just, well --
gopher it.